Death is a tricky topic for anyone to discuss. The very idea of it can lead an otherwise stoic person to tears. When a family is in the midst of grief, it's all the more difficult to discuss. When you attend the cremation services, you may feel compelled to talk at length to the family to show your support and express your love. This is the time when you need to put thought into what you say and how you say it. Do not make these faux pas. If you say the following things at the memorial service, you are likely to be met with sadness, anger, or worse.
Stop! Don't Say, "I Know How You Feel"
Although you may have lost your father and are speaking to someone whose dad recently passed away, you still do not know how that person feels. Each individual death is different much like every personal relationship is unique to those two people. That death may have touched the person in a very profound way that is unlike anything they experienced, and they may resent the fact that anyone assumes that they share the feeling of loss. When faced with this upsetting assumption at the cremation service, the person may feel that you have made a bad time even worse.
Stop! Don't Say, "I Don't Think Cremation is Right."
Not everyone thinks that a cremation is the best way to handle a human body after death. You may disagree with the fact that the family chose cremation, especially if you know that the deceased person didn't have a preference for cremation. However, the time to discuss the issue is not at the cremation service. This is a time when emotions will be highly charged, and the focus should be on remembering the lost loved one and celebrating the person's life. If you must bring up the topic, do so later on when the family is not in intense mourning.
Stop! Don't Say, "I Wish This Other Song Had Been Included in the Ceremony."
When you're attending any service or event, it's only natural to think about how you might have done things differently. If you knew the deceased person, those thoughts can come to the forefront during a cremation service. Perhaps the family left out the person's favorite song or chose to share stories that didn't properly describe who the deceased person truly was. No matter how bothered you are by the choices of the family, your grievances should not be aired at the cremation service itself. If you must discuss it, do so no earlier than a few weeks after the funeral and try to offer practical help along with the criticism.
Okay. Go Ahead and Say, "What Is One Thing I can Do Today That Would Be Helpful?"
So there is one thing that you should say to someone who is going through the pain of a cremation service of their loved one. When you ask them to tell you one specific thing that you can do to be immediately helpful, you are showing that you truly do want to pitch in and are not simply offering help for some time in the far-off future. Also, if the person is overwhelmed, they likely know exactly what could help relieve the stresses of the day that can pile up on top of the grief.
Finally, keep in mind that everybody grieves differently. When it comes to opening your mouth at a cremation service, try to consider the golden rule of only doing to other people what you would want them to do to you. As long as you show care and observe the above rules of speaking at a cremation service, you should be a welcome guest who is very much appreciated.
For cremation services, contact a funeral home such as J Allen Hooper Funeral Chapel.